Monday, December 10, 2012

And That Was the Turning Point...That Was One Lonely Night...

Movie: Sex & the City

The Job…
I remember stepping into the little conference room with the bay windows & knew this couldn’t be good. We hadn’t gotten our usual Christmas bonus & things were just different in the office of 6 men. As my old job came to a close, I almost wished they had hired just one more guy so I could say I had worked for the seven dwarfs. I panicked, almost as if the evil queen wanted my heart, but it was mostly because I had just bought my first home & knew the mortgage check needed to be written by the 15th, and the common charges, and then the visa bill and then…Anxiety Meltdown. I marched my hurting too high-arched feet into the placement agency the next week & luckily found a lil spot I call “An interesting place” from 8:30am-5pm for the past 2 years. I make sure I elongate the word ‘interesting’ every time I say it for much needed dramatic effect.  

The Boy… 
I sat drowning my past in my Magner’s beer thinking I should really give up hope on relationships. I was ever so done & cringing at the stupid wish at 11:11am that week I made. What if it came true? Would I let that mess back in my life? What was I thinking!!! Then, one of my favorite 80’s songs came on, “Your love” by Outfield and I turned to smile at the DJ. I looked up and my gaze was drawn to the pair of converse's that walked through the door. I looked up to see the guy, Craig, I had met last week, walk through the door. He smiled,  I smiled and then he walked towards me..."I want to take you out to dinner. When can we make this happen?" followed a lil while later that night after a disappearing cigarette trick & witty flirting. I said, "Wednesday"... 

The Apartment...
The overwhelming sea of houses, condos, and apartments suffocated me as clicked from page one to two. My street address appeared on the screen smack dab in my price range. A studio apartment right down the street from my parent's condo was on the market. I had just enough for 10% down..."No comparable sale for 10% down" became a harsh reality...Translation: No condo for me. I accepted defeat. A twisted small lie told by mother about an future inheritance that I found out later wasn't actually real, magically came forward. I thought I was out, but I was back in without even knowing it. I am grateful for the studio condo, my lil home & thankful, but in those few moments of defeat I saw more logical opportunities fly by me...

Movie - Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason

As a 20-something, I have embraced & am strugglingly juggling the Big Three: Job, Relationship, & an Apartment. Yesterday, however, I lost my car keys & the lil grip of sanity keeping it all in balance took a first class trip to hell.  I ran around my mall like a crazy woman and the reality of how stressed out I am took hold. My winter coat sat defiantly in my passenger seat as I stood under the awning outside of the mall in the rain with wet hair, watching my car to make sure the red lights didn't light up from SOMEONE ELSE using my Unlock beeper on my keys. It was a turning point...

I called my Mom to bring me my spare key. When she got to me I cried & frankly it wasn't even that good cry that let's it all out of your system. It was just an AHHHHHHH!!!!! FUCK!!! cry. I got into my car after doing the Victoria Secret sale and drove home to my lil apartment defeated. 

I know it's hard to start & end things cold turkey but something has to give. I need to find a career that is less 'interesting' & more 'Me', I need to make my tiny apartment more livable for two people, AND I need to learn to ask Craig & others for help. I'm an only child, so I'm obnoxiously independent & bite off more than I can chew. I need to let people in and ask for help. This is going to be hard...

BUT, I did get a call after work today from my library?!?! asking me if I had lost my keys. Yes, I had lost them at the mall. Trust me, for a split second I thought I was certifiably insane. Apparently a lil store I was in for oh 30 seconds found my keys under the gift table and (I'm ever so grateful) called my library to report the missing card so they could get my information to call me. I still can't believe in the madness I got my keys back. 

 I'm using this as a lil ray of hope that things will calm down & work it's way out...Getting my keys back was a sign...A much needed sign of hope. =) 

Are You Stressed this Holiday Season? I know I am!

Title of the Post: Lyrics from"Spacemen" - The Killers 


  1. Very funny post

    New post on :


  2. i feel the stress!! i'm so glad you got your keys back though...thanks goodness. see, everything always is that quote "it's all ok in the end or it's not the end" :)

  3. I think it's a sign that everything works out in the end. I always try to look at the positives... In your case, take a step back and view it this way. You have loved ones and friends that support you. You have your own home (very cool for a twenty something!) a job to bring in money and a guy that, while a bit indecisive, obviously loves you. Last, you have your health... All of the things you want to change are within your reach! :) Seriously, look at how much you've accomplished despite the curve balls that have been thrown your way... You've got this! Besides, January 1st is a few weeks away. :D

    PS- I used to play that Outfield album on repeat.

    1. Absolutely!! I have never been more grateful & lucky in my life. Thank you!! =)

  4. I think this can be the most stressful time of year for many people but things also tend to have a way of working themselves out in the end as long as we can center ourself. Of course that's easier said than done sometimes.

  5. it is a very stressful time of year but you will be alright my dear!! love the pic of carrie bradshaw in your post xxx

  6. After tomorrow I'll be less stressed. I got all the days off work I need, all my decorating is done... now I just need to finish my shopping and I'm GOOD.

  7. I love that Outfield song! I think it's good that you're able to get everything written down to vent it out!

  8. I agree with Wendy, everything eventually works out, even though I don't feel like it right now. The good thing is you found your keys. That's step one. Your moment of panic was a legitimate one.

    I love the way you write... watching your space now :)


  9. I'm not stressed at all. Same procedure as every year ;)


  10. This time of year is always more stressful, too. There are always many more things to do and take care of and when things like that happen, they're just torturous. And, to top things off, you're reminded of the things that bother you most--the job, the living situation... that sort of thing. Things will work out, though. They always do (You got your keys back in an extraordinary manner). The hardest thing is, well, patience. (And I have an incredibly hard time with that.)

  11. I'm not feeling too bad as I've gotten my essays done on time but if I hadn't I'd be feeling a lot worse! I hope everything works out okay :) xo

  12. Eeeep! Sorry you are stressed. This holiday season has been awful and stressful for me too. I think me being stressed out by my new job cost me my three year relationship/love of my life. I am definitely in scrooge territory, heh. Butttt life goes on, right? Ask for help and breathe!! Trust me. I wish I would have done that the past few months.

  13. Oh Chloe- I can absolutely relate to the stress of the season your experienced. Just today in fact I curled up in a little ball in the corner of my bathroom and had a good 15 minute cry. However, unlike the one to your mom, mine was very cleansing. It is helpful to read your post and your encouraging words to yourself because much of that is what I need to be saying to myself. I hope today has been better today!- Amber

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