The act of being self conscious for me has always been sheer panic mode. For example, there was an incident that I will not go into specific details about on Sunday night in the condo where a plunger would be needed...If I blushed I would have been crimson times the magnitude of the sun. Oh did I mention this happened at 11:45pm on Sunday night. So Craig and I piled into the car and I'm trying to hold in my "How could this happen, I'm so embarrassed, &/or can cold weather affect pipes and things". I did the holding back poorly and when the CVS up the road did not have a plunger, I lost it. This lil embarrassing episode that happens to EVERYONE then became a story. We had to drive 15 minutes to the only 24 hour super market in the next town to buy just a plunger in our pajamas. How does this tie into be self-conscious? Well...I now have a fear of something going wrong every time I go into the bathroom...Not good.
Upon moving in together and living together, besides our quirks, Craig and I are encountering a lot of things we are self-conscious about as individuals. Accidentally leaving underwear on the floor, everyone farts but when your lying in bed there can be issues, washing your feet after you take off your work shoes because they smell, um not realizing that you smell, quietly realizing that you haven't washed your hair in 6 days and wondering if the other person noticed, and not walking around naked at all.
My condo is basically one big room and then a kitchen off to the side in another room and of course a bathroom. It's small. There isn't much room for privacy for either one of us but such close quarters are multiplying the intensity of our self-consciousness. Perhaps it's because we are both only children where we haven't been jaded by always having someone else sharing a bathroom or changing near us or I don't know...maybe we are just not as comfortable with ourselves as we appear to be.
Girls Season 1, 2012 - Hannah & Adam
When two people don't live together and date it's so easy to show the best of you. Craig is now seeing me try on 4-5 outfits before our date and I can't imagine how frustrating that can be for a man who just slapped on a T-shirt and called it a day. I feel self-conscious when I don't wear a bra because I have a voluptuous chest, from harmless comments I'm extra self-conscious about my weight these days, I've had a cold and every time I blow my nose I feel weird that he might find it obnoxious, when it's that time of the month is a whole different animal and yes, the plunger incident when I didn't know how to properly use it. But this is NOT one-sided. Craig washes his feet when he comes home from work and he secretly does it, he's told me he feels self-conscious around me when he breaks out with acne, and a lot of other things but I'll keep his privacy from here. All this self-consciousness is a scary feeling of vulnerability that makes me nervous. But it really shouldn't...should it?
Craig and I have known each other for the past three years but sometimes it honestly feels like it's the first week or month. Having these moments of insecurities is making us see a more raw side of the other person and I hope it's for the best. There has been no fights about all of this, but I thought it was an important topic to share of something I'm going through in the living together process. I've been showing him the real me and when I'm curled up reading a book and he kisses my cheek just for the hell of it I know everything is okay. =)
Nothing is perfect and one day I knew I'd have to take the make-up off...
If your living with a significant other, how do you handle your self-consciousness & insecurities around them?
I'd love to hear!
Lena Dunham as Hannah in Girls, Season 2