Thursday, March 28, 2013

Living Togther + Comforting your Significant Other

 Girls Season 2..Adam & Hannah

For starters, we all have bad days. Days where you didn't realize your friend's wedding is going to cost you literally a $1,000 by the end that you don't have...days where your really considering the possibility that your band has fallen apart...days where you want to curl up under the covers and not come out for a while. One of the biggest tests of strength of a relationship I feel is how you comfort your significant other. Craig & I have had a fair share of good/bad that has happened in our relationship over the past 3 years & truthfully I really think "comforting" the other person is something we have to work on.

Now that we live together, this comfort battlefield is a whole new process. When bad things happen, Craig internalizes things, claims he's "Out of it", and then dives into a video game. Maybe I'll find out what's bothering him within the next day or two depending on what it is. Usually after a week I'll definitely know. For me...I can't hide things as well. If I even sigh because I burnt toast he asks, "What's the matter" thinking there's a problem. I'll spurt it all out to him why I'm upset & then he'll usually make a retort like, "Are you just venting or can I help?" Naturally that aggravates the hell out of me because I think he believes I'm venting so he then doesn't have to really listen.  Well...this makes us at two different ends of the spectrum for these bad days.

I want to hug Craig & have him open up to me about his bad day...but he gets grumpier every time I try. I've learned to let him come to me with it but it's a frustrating process to be in this waiting game. When I have a bad day, Craig tries to "understand" and make things about human nature & tries to give me a concrete solution even though he doesn't realize you can't just eliminate people from your life with a snap of your fingers. It becomes this game of cat & mouse where I can't explain every little thing in detail to the exact words used so i wind up getting more upset or aggravated because he can't understand where I'm coming from because he doesn't know all the "specifics" etc. I don't think he realizes that all I want is a shoulder to cry on or a big hug that doesn't end in 10 seconds.

I feel like I'm a strong woman who can bounce back fairly quickly from bad days but it can't be in 10 minutes or less. As I'm writing this I truly think it's a fact that Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus. There are things we won't agree on & there are things you have to accept as differences.

In a Good sense though...I've noticed Craig has been opening up more to me quicker about what's really going on with him & it's refreshing not to play the guessing game in my head. I have been trying to talk to more of my girl friends about my personal issues that I know Craig will just not understand to eliminate the thousand question game. If he asks what's wrong...I tell him oh it's a girl thing and he kinda shuts up. I also think I need to be more forward with him by not going on a word vomit rant and just saying "Hey, what I really need is a hug".

Rome wasn't built in a day & relationships do not come with manuals. It's an interesting process figuring out all the nooks & crannies...I wonder what the world is going throw at us next!

How do you & your Significant Other handle Each Other's Bad Days?
I'd love to hear...
Friends TV SHOW - Monica, Phoebe & Rachel
~ I've always wanted to do this!!! ~ 
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  1. My husband goes through phases when he had bad days. Sometimes he wants to vent and sometimes he just wants to be left alone. We've been together long enough that I can gauge the situation and he knows how to deal with me as well. I think with time you and Craig will get it figured out.

    Rowena @ rolala loves

  2. I have found that listening goes a LONG way. Being a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. That makes such a difference when someone is having a bad day. It's also cathartic for them to be able to get things off of their chest. Have a great Easter weekend :)

  3. My husband will bottle things up for ages until he tells me what's up and he knows straight away when something is up with me. Luckily we both know when to back off or when to snuggle, I think it comes with time.

  4. Yikes - I have no insight here. I think we still don't know the right ways to comfort each other. My husband tries hard to make me feel better, but I"m a moving target and what I want one day isn't what I want the next day. (wow - I sound like a B word). Regardless, I think this is something most couples deal with.

  5. my hubs has learned that when i'm in a bad mood, to just leave me be. when it comes to us, i'm open and will discuss what is bothering me but if i'm all stanktified because of my period, work is pissing me off or has nothing to do with him or us, he just leaves me alone which is what i want.

    when you first start living togehter, you need some time to learn how the other person is and find your groove. it's good that he's quicker to open up to you but he's still probably trying to find his own groove too.

  6. This is such a boy girl thing..when M and I got together we had the same issue... he tried to logically and rationally comfort me when I couldn't care less about logic because my anger was based on emotion and he held everything in and I would even know what was wrong for days. It has taken time, a lot of communication to get where we are today. To the point where he tells me instantly when something bothers him and ask for help and while he still tried to explain the logic of why crying will not make it better he listen to me when I scream back that I want to cry and screw logic.. he is working on that.. but it's a boy girl thing and it takes time.

  7. I pretty much like to be coddled. It's so sad. I basically want him to baby me and agree with everything I say, even if I'm being ridiculous. And him... he gets pretty down when he's having a bad day and I know I just need to work through it.

  8. This post made me smile! When I vent I just need to let out steam. But for some reason my husband always thinks he needs to find a solution and that used to aggravate me more! Haha! Then one day he came to me and said.. "wow i guess men ARE from mars and women are from venus." he was reading the book! it cracked me up! :)

  9. I'm so glad you wrote this post today, I am living w/my boyfriend and this post made me smile! :) Glad I'm not the only one who has bad days

    xx Michelle

    Fierce & Fashionable

  10. Aww that's so sweet . May you both live bounded together ALWAYS . I think sharing problems is the best-est thing for builing a relationship :)
    Noor @ Noor's Place

  11. I definitely think that if you need a hug then tell him so and if he needs time to calm down and rationalize stuff in his head then so be it. Each person handles stress differently. Both John and I get quiet and need to be left alone when something is really bothering us (unless it involves each other, then it can get loud, lol). At least you guys are learning to accommodate each other during stressful times. There is obviously a lot of love between you two.


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